NEWS > U.S.A. > DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY TO SECURE PEANUT FACILITIES

DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY TO SECURE PEANUT FACILITIES

January 5 2009

Washington, DC – A recently leaked document indicates that The Department of Homeland Security has plans to implement added security personnel to the country’s peanut production facilities after intercepted transmissions indicated that they may be a target for terrorist organizations. While the documents did not reveal details nor specify a timeline for the added security, it does acknowledge that incoming President Barack Obama has given his approval for the new measures.

“While peanut facilities may seem like an odd thing for terrorists to attack, the reality is peanut allergies have shown a dramatic increase over the last decade and there’s no sign of that stopping. Add to that the fact that many of the allergy sufferers are children and the potential for panic is huge,” said Scrape TV Terrorism analyst Doug Davids. “Recently in Massachusetts a school bus was evacuated after a peanut was found on the floor. The reality is people panic when it comes to peanuts, and panic and fear is the commodity that terrorist deals in. While we can only speculate on what a group might be planning, it may be better to play it safe.”

The DHS documents did not indicate what they believed any specific plans for the peanut facilities. They did however request an allocation of forty million dollars for the calendar year 2009 in order to bolster the security.

“While forty million may seem like a lot of money, the truth it is, for lack of a better word, peanuts for the DHS. They spend billions every year securing facilities like nuclear plants and weapon manufacturers so spending this on possible risk facilities really isn’t that big a deal,” continued Davids. “They could spread peanuts throughout the nation’s schools, drop them in office buildings. Can you imagine the panic if bags of peanuts began showing up in preschools across the country. Terrorists can be anywhere and they will do anything to cause chaos. That is their raison d’être and they will stop at nothing to put us on edge. Of course they are also getting them to spend a lot of money on potential white elephants, so they have that going for them too.”

Already the expenditure has come under fire as a waste of resources that could better be used in other areas.

“The DHS has to use their resources more effectively than something like peanuts,” said a state Senator who preferred to speak off the record. “In the senate we know how to spend money wisely and this is not a wise expenditure. Someone needs to hold them accountable.”

In the past the Department of Homeland Security has been criticized for almost black hat operations and concerns about the openness of their operations. The DHS has maintained that full disclosure of their operations is not possible because of the need for security.

“We are protecting the country and whether we spend forty million or forty dollars it doesn’t matter. We are protecting the United States and we shouldn’t be questioned,” said a DHS official who preferred to remain anonymous. “We will do what we need to do to protect the country and we will not answer to anyone who is merely speaking to gain political favour. We are here on the ground doing the work and we know what the threats are and peanuts are a threat.”

Approximately 150 people die every year from allergy related illnesses every year. While low, the raw numbers do not accurately depict the level of panic associated with the legume.

“Some may say its nuts for the government to be worried peanuts but people get really worked up about it and that’s the real issue. In 2007, 71 people around the world were attacked by sharks but that fact doesn’t make people panic any less,” continued Davids. “The reality is fear of peanuts, fear of shark attacks, and the fear of terrorists are all very similar things. Death from any of them is extremely unlikely especially compared to things like falling in the bathtub or crashing your car but people still have this paralyzing fear. And that is what terrorists feed on, fear whether rational or irrational. That’s also what government budgets are built on, so it kind of makes sense.”

The increased security isn’t expected to impact production or consumption of peanuts across the country. We also attempted to contact Al Qaeda officials regarding the document but were informed that we were nuts to think they would speak on the record.    

Mike Michaels, American Correspondent 

NEWS > U.S.A. > DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY TO SECURE PEANUT FACILITIES

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