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hurricane katrina

FEMA CONFIRMS THAT WEALTHY RESIDENTS OUT OF THE WAY OF HURRICANE FAY

August 18 2008

Washington, D.C. – The Federal Emergency Management Agency has announced that action has been taken to protect the residents of Florida as Tropical Storm Fay approaches the coast. Specifically, they detailed the specifics of evacuating the wealthier residents of the state from the path of the storm.

“We want to assure the American people that the wealthiest ten per cent of the state have been safely evacuated from all areas of potential threat,” said agency administrator R. David Paulison. We have begun shoring up evacuations for the next tier down, but the top level persons are safe from the storm. Everyone else has been told to pack up and get out of there as fast as they can.”

New protocols governing evacuation procedures were put into place after the fallout of Hurricane Katrina, which devastated huge swaths of Louisiana, killed nearly 1500 people, and left parts of the state permanently abandoned. The new procedures were put into place to ensure that the type of public outcry that occurred with that disaster would not happen again.

“We try to ensure the safety of as many people as we possibly can, but simply put, some people cannot be saved,” continued Paulison. “It’s our responsibility to ensure that we show the public that we are doing everything we can. Obviously not everyone is going to be okay, and buildings are going to be damaged. You can blame Mother Nature for that. It is our mandate that we prevent the type of public outcry that occurred with Katrina. Every other consideration is secondary. We are in an election year after all.”

Local agencies have put a halt on evacuations as the storm approaches, fearing that continued exodus will only result in people being trapped on highways. Many are being told to stay at home, board up their houses, and ride out the storm. florida mansion

“Most of the people still around are lower income. I think that’s a result of fewer of them having cars and/or being able to afford the gas to evacuate. Gas is really expensive nowadays,” said a local official who asked to remain anonymous. “We’re not going to end up like New Orleans. For one, we have a huge Hispanic population. Two, most of our stadiums don’t have roofs so people won’t be able to hide there. People always forgive Florida anyways. New Orleans is kind of scuzzy, but Florida is beautiful and clean. We won’t be severely affected by the Hurricane.”

The Tropical storm is expected to make landfall in the Keys late Monday. It was confirmed that no one of importance was left in that area.

FEMA officials also confirmed that they had worked out arrangements with national media in respect to reporting procedures. “They’re on board this time.”

Mike Michaels, American Correspondent 

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