OPRAH WINFREY TROLLS ENTIRE INTERNET WITH OVER 9000 COMMENT
September 20 2008
Chicago, IL – What at first appeared to be a sincere attempt at bringing light to the problem of child sexual abuse has turned out to be a massive joke by perhaps the most powerful and influential broadcaster in the world. Oprah made the comment on her show which is broadcast internationally to millions.
“Let me read you something that was posted on our message boards from someone who claims to be a member of a known pedophile network. It said this, it doesn’t forgive, it does not forget. This group has over 9000 penises and they’re all raping children,” said Winfrey. “So, I want you to know they’re organized and they have systematic ways of hurting children and they use the internet to do it.”
The message was supposedly posted by a member of anonymous, a secret groups that revolves around sites such as 4chan and Encyclopedia Dramatica. The over 9000 remark is part of the meme creation that has also spawned mainstream hits such as Rick Rolling and Tay Zonday.
While viewers of the show and users of the Oprah Winfrey show message board have taken the comments seriously, it now appears that Winfrey was participating in a Rick Roll of her own.
“Oprah is much smarter than that,” said an employee for the show, who preferred to remain anonymous. “We have researchers and stuff. We know how to use the internet. There is no way we would allow Oprah to say something we knew to be false and have her mean it sincerely. That would be irresponsible and would be detrimental to Oprah’s position as a broadcaster and as a sexual abuse survivor herself. This was all a big joke, Oprah’s a big kidder.”
That is of course the official line, but several staffers from the Winfrey show have reportedly been told to collect their belongings from the Chicago offices. Officials for Harpo productions are maintaining that the entire incident is a joke and that no one is being terminated as a result.
“We would like people to know that no one has been terminated as a result of this incident. Oprah was fully aware of what she was saying,” said a spokesperson for the company. “Oprah is down with the internet. She’s on their all the time. She even has an optical mouse; Oprah is always on the web, so yes she gets the joke. We’re all having major lulz over this one.”
Some though are disputing the official line, saying instead that this is damage control designed at preventing backlash and a great deal of embarrassment that could be caused by such a powerful figure falling for such an old joke.
“Sounds like they are backpedalling, trying to make the best out of a really bad situation,” said one member of anonymous we spoke to, who preferred to remain anonymous. “It’d be funny as hell if she was trolling everyone, but somehow I doubt she’s sitting there with her billions of dollars laughing over mudkips and lolcats. Surely though they have some kind of research team and they have to employ somebody under forty right? These guys get paid to prevent this kind of thing from happening. Heads are a rolling, and so are we. Row Row fight the Powah! And down with Scientology!”
We tried to contact Harpo productions for further comment but our calls were not returned. There was no word as to whether or not Winfrey would be revealing the nature of the joke on her show.
Samantha Dryden, Entertainment Correspondent
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