NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE > U.S. DEFENCE CHIEF TELLS JAPAN AND CHINA TO JUST COOL IT OVER THOSE SILLY LITTLE ISLANDS
U.S. DEFENCE CHIEF TELLS JAPAN AND CHINA TO JUST COOL IT OVER THOSE SILLY LITTLE ISLANDS
September 16 2012
Washington, D.C. – With all that’s currently going on in the world the last thing anyone needs is another major conflict, particularly one between two of the world’s most powerful nations, Japan and China.
Unfortunately it appears that a conflict is precisely what those two countries are headed towards. At issue is a small atoll in the south China Sea – called Senkaku in Japanese and Diayu in Mandarin – that both countries are claiming as their sovereign territory. For China the islands constitute a long historical claim and for Japan it is an issue of possession, having been in charge of the islands since the end of the Second World War, but both want them.
That head butting has resulted in a growing tension between the two neighbours that has spread to the public with protests in both nations riling nationalist fervour and ethnic hatred. Because of that tension, and the seeming unwillingness of both nations to back off on their claim, many are concerned that the rift could leader to a serious event between the two which of course would start yet another war that China would win because Japan has no military and are kind of pansies nowadays.
“A misjudgement on one side or the other could result in violence, and could result in conflict,” said U.S. Defence Chief Leon Panetta who likes sticking his nose in other people’s problems, obviously. “I am concerned that when these countries engage in provocations of one kind or another over these various islands, that it raises the possibility that a misjudgement on one side or the other could result in violence, and could result in conflict. And that conflict would then have the potential of expanding.”
Chinese officials have sent small patrol boats with trained name callers to try and push Japanese settlers off the island.
Japan in response has become really angry and even encouraged young men to flatten their hair and wear normal pants just to show how serious they are.
“This really has the potential to spin out of control and cause problems between the two countries. I mean not a war of course, it could lead to conflict, but it wouldn’t be a war really. War requires two sides fighting each other which is really tough when all you have is tentacle sex and rough slaps on one side,” said Scrape TV International Conflict analyst Mario Martinez. “That would still be bad of course but not nearly as bad as it would be if Japan had a real military. Though if they decided to start that again I’m sure they would be pretty bad ass.”
Japan, as a condition of their surrender in WWII, was forced to give up military ambitions.
“Obviously China is trying to flex its muscles here and they have pretty big ones so it has gotten impressive, impressive enough to drawn Panetta. That man likes big muscles. He may not have them himself but he is a man who can appreciate a good body, that’s for sure,” continued Martinez. “Hopefully hi talk can help calm tensions though there is no real reason to assume that they will. It would just be nice is all I’m saying but I don’t expect it to happen.”
Panetta is said to not actually be all that passionate about the conflict but felt he had to say something.
Emil Uliya, International Correspondent