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NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE >U.N. OFFICIALS PROPOSE CONTRACTING MEMBERSHIP, REDUCING NUMBER OF COUNTRIES

U.N. OFFICIALS PROPOSE CONTRACTING MEMBERSHIP, REDUCING NUMBER OF COUNTRIES

November 25 2008

New York, NY – United Nations Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon has made a surprising proposal on behalf of the UN leadership. He has announced plans to reduce the number of countries in the UN by consolidating the borders of smaller and less impactful countries, thereby maintaining the same representation, but with less bureaucracy.

“We feel the best way for us to represent all citizens of the world is to streamline our process,” said Ban in a statement to the General Assembly. “From the founding of the United Nations our ideology has been to bring countries together and to make the world a better place. In the last twenty years as more and more borders have been drawn our membership has also grown and we are now at the point where our mandate is being clouded by so many voices. We believe this proposal will allow us to more effectively manage our resources and execute our philosophy more effectively for the good of all humanity.”

The short term proposal is to consolidate countries in the most heavily populated portions of the world. Specifically, South Eastern Europe, Northern-Central Asia, and Western Africa would be targeted first. The countries affected would include Bulgaria, Romania, Former Soviet republics, Ghana, Togo, and dozens of others. Long term the organization sees a much more consolidated world numbering at most ten countries.

“Simply put we don’t see the point of giving room or voice to a country like Benin or Turkmenistan when they are essentially the same as their neighbours. It’s a waste of space and a waste of time and effort. We can effectively work for the same number of people much more effectively if we are able to have fewer voices talking over one another,” said representative for the organization who preferred to remain anonymous. “There’s so much arguing and infighting. We could eliminate most of that and get a whole lot more done. It would also significantly reduce operating costs, which given the global economic situation would be better for everyone.”

The organizations dream version of the world would make most of the continents countries with a few exceptions such as Russia, Australia, and the Middle East. The organization did not address how they would deal with issues such as ethnic, religious, and political differences.

“It’s easy to see why they would desire such a thing but the reality of execution is going to be very difficult. People tend to not get along very well. Really the reason for the establishment of the UN is because of that. They would lessen their reason for existing,” said Scrape TV International analyst Gustav Hander. “I don’t see a lot of these countries, some of whom have long histories of conflict or have major philosophical differences, just willingly abandoning their borders and national identity. Even with countries that get along there would be issues. Take North America as an example. You have three countries that get along but speak three major languages. Do they keep one language, if so which one? Europe is going to be hell."

Of course aside from the inevitable protests from countries that will suddenly cease to exist should the plan go through, other parties have a great deal to lose should the number of countries be reduced.

“Geography teachers, cartographers, Atlas publishers, globe manufacturers. The number of people who depend on a wide variety of countries is enormous and all these people would be out of work. Never mind religious or ethnic tension, the potential negative effects on the economy would be devastating,” continued Hander. “I don’t think this is a very well thought out plan to be honest. Sure some of these countries aren’t really all that important to humanity as a whole, but you have to take things like job loss seriously.”  

Emil Uliya, International Correspondent

NEWS > EVERYONE ELSE >U.N. OFFICIALS PROPOSE CONTRACTING MEMBERSHIP, REDUCING NUMBER OF COUNTRIES

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