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NEWS > SCIENCE >SCIENTISTS MAKE BREAKTHROUGH IN DISCOVERY OF THE DOUCHEBAG GENE
SCIENTISTS MAKE BREAKTHROUGH IN DISCOVERY OF THE DOUCHEBAG GENE
November 10 2009
Washington, D.C. – It may seem that in recent years the occurrence of the so-called ‘Douchebag’ has increased dramatically. The surge in popular appearances of people such as Jon Gosselin and Michael Lohan, as well as a growing web culture centered on
the phenomenon has dramatically increased awareness of the particular caste of modern society. Douchebags though are nothing new and though it may appear as though they have dramatically increased in numbers, new research indicates that it is simply the awareness of such individuals that has increased, not the number.
The research, conducted by an independent firm contracted by the Department of Health and Human Services, was conducted over the last six months across multiple cities and states across the country. While far from conclusive as to the actual numbers of douche bags, the research has helped bring new breakthroughs to the scientific community which has been for a number of years actively researching whether or not such behaviour is a product of genetics or upbringing. Researchers did warn though that the research is still in the early stage, but that the data suggests that there may in fact be a genetic component to douchbaggery. 
“This is the most thorough study of its kinds ever conducted in the United States and it has yielded some very interesting conclusions that we believe will add significantly to our knowledge of this behaviour. We are still far from a cure, I want to make that absolutely clear, but this study and the research that it supports has put us on the right road and will someday lead to a treatment of some kind,” said lead researcher Dr. Ted Kendal. “At its heart we believe that this kind of behaviour is a combination of nature and nurture. Unfortunately, people who are carriers of the vulnerable gene are also those most likely to be exposed to the type of environment that will exacerbate such actions. We’ve also noted that there are certain ethnic groups that seem to carry this gene much more densely and are thus more likely to pass it on to their offspring.”
People of Italian, Portuguese, and Korean descent are most likely to carry and pass along the gene according to the research. Despite superficial connections, white trash and their variants have little or no connection to the prevalence of the gene and are actually a separate subclass.
“This really is big news. It will allow at the very minimum a path towards treatment. While it’s unlikely we will be able to completely eradicate the genetic component, early testing could give parents a head start which will allow them to perhaps move to a new environment or possibly change certain elements of their own behaviour,” said Scrape TV Health analyst Rebecca Phelps. “In recent years it seems almost as though this kind of behaviour has become normalized. Everywhere you go you see people with spray-on tans and Ed Hardy clothes which led to concerns that this kind of activity was bleeding into the mainstream. Luckily people have been able to keep their heads and the data shows no significant increase in actual douchebags, just the reporting of them.”
The study also noted that prominent douchebags such as Gosselin and Spencer Pratt have little or no impact in increasing the number of people actually becoming douchebags, though often lead to mimicked behaviour.
“Whether it’s creative facial hair or just that smug sense of self-importance, douche bags come in all shapes and sizes. Luckily this study shows that there is hope for parents that this may not necessarily affect their children and that future generations will be able to grow up free of this kind of behaviour,” continued Phelps. “Like any treatment though it won’t be a magic bullet kind of cure. It will take a lot of effort to reduce the prevalence of this kind of behaviour but the good news it can be fought and at the very least dramatically reduced.”
Researchers noted that the increased prevalence of the douchebag is likely tied to teen movies from the 1980’s such as ‘Revenge of the Nerds’.
Anna Phillips, Science Correspondent
NEWS > SCIENCE >SCIENTISTS MAKE BREAKTHROUGH IN DISCOVERY OF THE DOUCHEBAG GENE
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