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Business
William Ashford
Health
Lauren Hebert
U.S.A.
Mike Michaels
Everyone Else
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Sports
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HEADLINES
FROM THE PAGES OF THE LARUE LISTENER

ISRAEL ADMITS ROCKET ATTACKS MAKING PEACE TALKS A LITTLE DIFFICULT

PENTAGON SURE SOUNDING A LITTLE SCARED OF ISLAMIC STATE AND ALL THEY DO

ISRAEL GOES AHEAD WITH GAZA CEASEFIRE, KINDA

ISRAEL GIVES A LITTLE BIT OF WARNING BEFORE DESTROYING APARTMENT BUILDING AND OTHER STUFF

FRANCE GETS AROUND TO ATTACKING ISIL JUST LIKE THEY SAID THEY WOULD
SCOTLAND DECIDES IT DOESN’T WANT AND DOESN’T NEED FREEDOM AFTER ALL
SIERRA LEONE ENACTS CURFEW TO SOMEHOW PREVENT EBOLA FROM SPREADING ANY FURTHER
TURKEY GETTING MORE OF THOSE KURDS THEY LIKE SO MUCH
UKRAINE ASKS FOR HELP KILLING RUSSIANS AND THOSE SORTS OF FOLKS
AVRIL LAVIGNE AND CHAD KROEGER TO DIVORCE AND STILL NO ONE CARES
ANOTHER DAY ANOTHER NFL PLAYER ARRESTED FOR BEATING A WOMAN AND CHILD
MURDER APPARENTLY AS EASY FOR CHIMPS AS IT IS FOR US
TORONTO MAYOR ROB FORD SHOWS NOT SMOKING CRACK CAN CAUSE CANCER
RUSSIA AND EVERYONE ELSE STILL NOT AGREEING ON SYRIA AT LATEST MEETING


LIFE SUPPORT DIVIDED AS TO WHETHER OR NOT TO MAINTAIN JOAN RIVERS MUCH LONGER
MILLIONS OF KIDS RELIEVED TO BE SENDING THEIR PARENTS BACK TO WORK
ISIL AGREES TO PEACE TALKS ONLY WITH PRESENCE OF 90’S HITMAKERS MR. BIG
EMMY PARTY ENDS WITH RITUAL SACRIFICE OF LOSERS FROM MULTIPLE CATEGORIES
POSITIVE RESPONSE TO NEW DOCTOR WHO PROMPTS PETER CAPALDI TO GET INTO SNORTING COKE
ISRAEL ADMITS PEACE TALKS BROKE DOWN IN PART BECAUSE SOMEONE REFUSED TO SHOWER
MILWAUKEE MAN SURE SITTING AT BURGER KING AT TWO IN THE MORNING NOT GOING TO RESOLVE GAZA CRISIS

TOP STORIES


Politics U.S.A. Everyone Else

THE U.S. ON THE VERGE OF DEBT DEFAULT YET AGAIN, IT NEVER CHANGES WITH THEM

OBAMACARE TO REDUCE U.S. WORKFORCE PROBABLY BECAUSE IT WILL KILL PEOPLE


Health Science Business

POPE FRANCIS SAYS NO ONE HAS DONE MORE TO STOP WIDESPREAD CHILD ABUSE IT HAS CAUSED THAN THE CHURCH

POPE FRANCIS ASKS FOR FORGIVENESS FOR ALL THAT SEXUAL ABUSE AND FORGIVENESS ALWAYS WORKS IN THE REAL WORLD


Technology Sports Video Games

DONALD STERLING NOW GOING TO TRY TO FIGHT SALE OF CLIPPERS, TODAY AT LEAST

FORMER NFL PLAYERS SUE LEAGUE BECAUSE THEY CHOSE TO USE DRUGS TO PLAY A LOT LONGER THAN THEY SHOULD HAVE


Entertainment Future Retractions

REVAMPED GUANTANAMO BAY STILL SEEKING OCCUPANTS

CLEVELAND VOLCANO SHOWS SIGNS OF IMMINENT ERUPTION

TAXPAYERS TO PAY FOR NEXT INSTALMENT OF THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS FRANCHISE