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HEADLINES
FROM THE PAGES OF THE LARUE LISTENER

U.S. FORCES FINALLY START KILLING ALL BAD GUYS IN SYRIA

PENTAGON SURE SOUNDING A LITTLE SCARED OF ISLAMIC STATE AND ALL THEY DO

ISRAEL GOES AHEAD WITH GAZA CEASEFIRE, KINDA

ISRAEL GIVES A LITTLE BIT OF WARNING BEFORE DESTROYING APARTMENT BUILDING AND OTHER STUFF

DOCTORS PROMISE TO HAVE MILLIONS OF EBOLA VACCINES READY EVENTUALLY
OFFICIALS DETERMINE OTTAWA SHOOTING HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING ELSE AT ALL, IT WAS JUST A CRAZY DUDE
KURDISH FIGHTERS REGAIN GROUND THEY LOST AND WILL PROBABLY LOSE AGAIN IN FIGHT FOR KOBANE
NOW NEW YORK HAS EBOLA, WELL NOT REALLY, JUST ONE GUY BUT STILL
SWEDEN, OF ALL COUNTRIES, THREATENS TO USE FORCE TO HAVE MYSTERY SUB SURFACE
SOMEBODY SHOOTING UP CANADIAN PARLIAMENT FOR SOME REASON
SYRIAN GOVERNMENT STILL MOSTLY WORRIED ABOUT THOSE DARNED REBELS, IT SEEMS
RENEE ZELLWEGER SHOWS UP LOOKING EVEN WEIRDER THAN USUAL
BEN BRADLEE, WHO SPENT HIS LIFE DESTROYING RICHARD NIXON, DIES
OSCAR PISTORIUS DOES INDEED GET A LITTLE TIME IN PRISON


LIFE SUPPORT DIVIDED AS TO WHETHER OR NOT TO MAINTAIN JOAN RIVERS MUCH LONGER
MILLIONS OF KIDS RELIEVED TO BE SENDING THEIR PARENTS BACK TO WORK
ISIL AGREES TO PEACE TALKS ONLY WITH PRESENCE OF 90’S HITMAKERS MR. BIG
EMMY PARTY ENDS WITH RITUAL SACRIFICE OF LOSERS FROM MULTIPLE CATEGORIES
POSITIVE RESPONSE TO NEW DOCTOR WHO PROMPTS PETER CAPALDI TO GET INTO SNORTING COKE
ISRAEL ADMITS PEACE TALKS BROKE DOWN IN PART BECAUSE SOMEONE REFUSED TO SHOWER
MILWAUKEE MAN SURE SITTING AT BURGER KING AT TWO IN THE MORNING NOT GOING TO RESOLVE GAZA CRISIS

TOP STORIES


Politics U.S.A. Everyone Else

THE U.S. ON THE VERGE OF DEBT DEFAULT YET AGAIN, IT NEVER CHANGES WITH THEM

OBAMACARE TO REDUCE U.S. WORKFORCE PROBABLY BECAUSE IT WILL KILL PEOPLE


Health Science Business

POPE FRANCIS SAYS NO ONE HAS DONE MORE TO STOP WIDESPREAD CHILD ABUSE IT HAS CAUSED THAN THE CHURCH

POPE FRANCIS ASKS FOR FORGIVENESS FOR ALL THAT SEXUAL ABUSE AND FORGIVENESS ALWAYS WORKS IN THE REAL WORLD


Technology Sports Video Games

DONALD STERLING NOW GOING TO TRY TO FIGHT SALE OF CLIPPERS, TODAY AT LEAST

FORMER NFL PLAYERS SUE LEAGUE BECAUSE THEY CHOSE TO USE DRUGS TO PLAY A LOT LONGER THAN THEY SHOULD HAVE


Entertainment Future Retractions

REVAMPED GUANTANAMO BAY STILL SEEKING OCCUPANTS

CLEVELAND VOLCANO SHOWS SIGNS OF IMMINENT ERUPTION

TAXPAYERS TO PAY FOR NEXT INSTALMENT OF THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS FRANCHISE