TOP STORIES

PEOPLE NOW WORRIED THAT BUFFALO MAY BE FLOODED, FORGETTING FOR A MOMENT THAT IT IS BUFFALO AFTER ALL

 

LIFE SUPPORT DIVIDED AS TO WHETHER OR NOT TO MAINTAIN JOAN RIVERS MUCH LONGER
HILLARY CLINTON PRESIDENCY BID MAY RELY ON SUCCESS OF FAILURE OR NEW YOUNG ADULT NOVEL
ISRAEL ADMITS PEACE TALKS BROKE DOWN IN PART BECAUSE SOMEONE REFUSED TO SHOWER
IOWA MAN SPENDS NIGHT RESEARCHING CONFLICT IN CENTRAL AFRICAN REPUBLIC IN EFFORT TO IMPRESS CO-WORKERS AT LUNCH

NEWS

SOLDIERS KILLED IN UKRAINE WHICH IS GOING TO HAPPEN WHEN YOU FIGHT IN A WAR

DUTCH EXPERTS EXAMINE MH17 CRASH VICTIMS TO DISCOVER EXACTLY WHAT THEY THOUGHT

ISRAEL GOES AHEAD WITH GAZA CEASEFIRE, KINDA

EU OFFICIALS REACH A VERY BASIC AGREEMENT ON POSSIBLE RUSSIAN SANCTIONS

NEWS

OBAMA READY TO FINALLY BOMB SYRIA WHICH HE HAS WANTED TO DO FOR SO LONG

FIGHTING IN GAZA CALMS DOWN A LITTLE WHICH IS SOMETHING PEOPLE CAN BE HAPPY ABOUT

UN SAYS ISRAEL MAY HAVE COMMITTED WAR CRIMES IN GAZA BUT OF COURSE WILL NOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT

WHO SAYS EBOLA OUTBREAK VASTLY UNDERESTIMATED, THAT THEY HAVE VASTLY UNDERESTIMATED IT, THEY JUST HAVE NO IDEA NOW

NEWS

U.S. FORCES FINALLY START KILLING ALL BAD GUYS IN SYRIA

ISRAEL ADMITS ROCKET ATTACKS MAKING PEACE TALKS A LITTLE DIFFICULT

ISRAEL GIVES A LITTLE BIT OF WARNING BEFORE DESTROYING APARTMENT BUILDING AND OTHER STUFF

ON THE AIR

CUP OF JOE
(NOW PLAYING)

PREPARE TO BE SHOCKED BUT THERE IS STILL NO NUKE DEAL WITH IRAN
THE NETHERLANDS BATTLING BIRD FLU BECAUSE WE NEEDED THAT TOO
JAPANESE ECONOMY FALLS INTO RECESSION AFTER EVERYONE WORKED SO HARD TO GET OUT OF THAT
DEAD PALESTINIAN PROMPTS PROTESTS FROM LIVING PALESTINIANS, OF COURSE
PROTESTS AGAINST ISRAEL ERUPT IN PALESTINE OF ALL PLACES
NOBODY KNOWS IF THIS COMET LANDER THING IS EVEN GOING TO WORK ANYMORE
UN SAYS ISLAMIC STATE COMMANDERS LIABLE FOR WAR CRIMES WHICH SHOULD REALLY SCARE THEM
OBAMA SAYS HE IS GOING TO DO ANY DAMN THING HE WANTS ABOUT IMMIGRATION BECAUSE HE IS PRESIDENT
LIBERIA MUCH COOLER WITH EBOLA THAN IT WAS
PALESTINIAN MAN KILLED IN WEST BANK SO THAT’S GOING TO BE A THING AGAIN
BOTH RUSSIA AND AUSTRALIA EAGER TO JUST GET MH17 PROBE OUT OF THE WAY
CAPTAIN OF DOOMED SOUTH KOREAN FERRY SORT OF PAYS FOR WHAT HE DID
NIGERIAN PRESIDENT JONATHAN TO RUN AGAIN BECAUSE IT’S NOT LIKE THEY ARE GOING TO GET ANYONE BETTER ANYWAY