TOP STORIES

PRESIDENT OF BURKINA FASO REFUSES TO STEP DOWN BECAUSE THAT JOB IS SOOOO IMPORTANT

 

LIFE SUPPORT DIVIDED AS TO WHETHER OR NOT TO MAINTAIN JOAN RIVERS MUCH LONGER
HILLARY CLINTON PRESIDENCY BID MAY RELY ON SUCCESS OF FAILURE OR NEW YOUNG ADULT NOVEL
ISRAEL ADMITS PEACE TALKS BROKE DOWN IN PART BECAUSE SOMEONE REFUSED TO SHOWER
IOWA MAN SPENDS NIGHT RESEARCHING CONFLICT IN CENTRAL AFRICAN REPUBLIC IN EFFORT TO IMPRESS CO-WORKERS AT LUNCH

NEWS

SOLDIERS KILLED IN UKRAINE WHICH IS GOING TO HAPPEN WHEN YOU FIGHT IN A WAR

DUTCH EXPERTS EXAMINE MH17 CRASH VICTIMS TO DISCOVER EXACTLY WHAT THEY THOUGHT

ISRAEL GOES AHEAD WITH GAZA CEASEFIRE, KINDA

EU OFFICIALS REACH A VERY BASIC AGREEMENT ON POSSIBLE RUSSIAN SANCTIONS

NEWS

OBAMA READY TO FINALLY BOMB SYRIA WHICH HE HAS WANTED TO DO FOR SO LONG

FIGHTING IN GAZA CALMS DOWN A LITTLE WHICH IS SOMETHING PEOPLE CAN BE HAPPY ABOUT

UN SAYS ISRAEL MAY HAVE COMMITTED WAR CRIMES IN GAZA BUT OF COURSE WILL NOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT

WHO SAYS EBOLA OUTBREAK VASTLY UNDERESTIMATED, THAT THEY HAVE VASTLY UNDERESTIMATED IT, THEY JUST HAVE NO IDEA NOW

NEWS

U.S. FORCES FINALLY START KILLING ALL BAD GUYS IN SYRIA

ISRAEL ADMITS ROCKET ATTACKS MAKING PEACE TALKS A LITTLE DIFFICULT

ISRAEL GIVES A LITTLE BIT OF WARNING BEFORE DESTROYING APARTMENT BUILDING AND OTHER STUFF

ON THE AIR

CUP OF JOE
(NOW PLAYING)

LEBRON AND THE CAVS UNABLE TO EVEN BEAT THE KNICKS, SERIOUSLY, THE KNICKS
RUSSELL WESTBROOK BREAKS HAND AND PRETTY MUCH ENDS ALL HOPE FOR THE THUNDER
ALEX RODRIGUEZ ALLOWED TO RETURN TO THE YANKEES TO DO WHATEVER IT IS HE CAN STILL DO
MARVEL GIVES NERDS EVEN MORE OF EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANT
JOSE CANSECO SHOOTS HIMSELF IN HAND BUT DEFTLY AVOIDS FOOT
HUNDREDS MISSING AND MOST LIKELY DEAD IN SRI LANKAN LANDSLIDE
ZAMBIAN PRESIDENT JUST UPS AND DIES, JUST LIKE THAT
SECOND SHOOTING VICTIM IN WASHINGTON DIES AS A RESULT OF BEING SHOT
SOUTH AFRICAN POLICE ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR KILLER OF SOCCER STAR
SOUTH KOREAN OFFICIALS SEEKING DEATH PENALTY FOR FERRY CAPTAIN BECAUSE, WELL, OBVIOUSLY THEY ARE
THOSE UPPITY KURDS REPEL ISIL IN KOBANE FOR YET ANOTHER DAY
PRO-WESTERN PARTIES WIN JUST ABOUT ALL OF UKRAINE EXCEPT, WELL, WE ALL KNOW WHERE
KURDISH FIGHTERS REGAIN GROUND THEY LOST AND WILL PROBABLY LOSE AGAIN IN FIGHT FOR KOBANE